Monday, August 16, 2010

My Boss the Ninja

Spending this summer in Watertown for my internship has been a very interesting experience. However, it has been somewhat lonely at times, since I don’t really know anyone outside of the people I work with. I have contemplated going to a local bar and standing around like the creeper I am, but I have decided against this course of action. I might run into someone creepier than myself and be forced into a duel to defend my honor, and then I’d have to wash blood out of my clothes, which is a just a hassle. So I have resigned myself to just going home or to Brookings for social interaction on the weekends, and spending my weeknights working out and crying myself to sleep.

However, I do greatly enjoy the people I work with. My desk is in a dark little corner of my boss Brian’s office, so we have had the opportunity for many profound conversations. One my recent favorites is when Brian made a fateful decision: To become a ninja.

It is his dream to travel to Japan and spend a whole three weeks studying the lost art of the ninja. Apparently, three weeks is enough to learn an entire martial art.

Once he runs out of paid time off and sick days, he will return to America and integrate his ninja training into his regular life. Every day, he intends to sneak into his office in a different way and take me out with a sleeper hold, a roundhouse kick, or a nunchuk across the face. He will also keep me on-task by throwing ninja stars at me and screaming like a banshee, even though ninjas are really supposed to be quiet and sneaky. I wish him luck in pitting his three weeks of training against my several years of taekwondo experience.

After living the full life of a nine-to-five ninja and defeating the enormous threat that I am, he will retire from his current career and start a life as a sensei and train his own students from his extensive knowledge and experience. This school will be called the Brian Nelson Ninja School for Ninjas, and will feature a rigorous three week program for ordinary people who have been called to perform the noble task of tormenting their family, friends, and coworkers.

Luckily, I only have avoid getting taken out by my ninja boss for one more week. After that, he will have to journey to Vermillion, where a series of elaborate traps will await him. Then round two of our epic battle can begin.


  1. This made me laugh out loud, at work, where I too practice my ninja skills and attempt to be stealth. You broke my ninja juju.

    I LOVE that you're blogging! You're really good.

    Oh, and stop looking through my windows at night.
    "...weeknights working out and crying myself to sleep" Hmm.

  2. Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it. You're posts are always fun as well.