As I have mentioned before, in college I roomed with a person who was named Eric Hanson. The only difference in our names was that my name ends with a K and his ends with C. Thus, our identities were reduced to single letters, kind of like the Men in Black. At least I get to be played by Tommy Lee Jones. We are good friends, but we frequently talk about our hatred for each other, trade insults, and threaten each other’s lives.
One instance that exemplifies this relationship was when C was returning to our dorm room from a meeting one evening. About halfway down the hall, he started screaming at me, calling me a slut and saying he was going to beat the crap out of me. As he got into our room, he grabbed a towel bar off of the rack, slammed the door, and proceeded to pound the door with his new weapon. Nobody on our floor thought to investigate the sounds of what could very well have been C beating me to death. Perhaps this just shows that our neighbors were used to us being generally awful people to each other.
Another moment that displays our adversarial friendship involves a challenge I once gave to him. In the mornings, we would frequently watch “Mike and Mike” on ESPN and one of the hosts would frequently talk about how someone needed to “man up” or be tough. This started a trend of C and I giving each other man up challenges, culminating in an instance where C threatened to throw me down the stairs and I told him to man up and do it. To live up to the challenge would mean going to jail, so either way I win. Naturally, he backed down, because he is weak.
There will be more roommate stories in the future, but this is a sampling of what our lives were like.